It was a weekend evening, we were savoring the spring onion pakoras and chai.
Made by my darling husband. I don’t remember how the discussion started but where it led us is the core of this blog. We started talking about mythology- the vedas and shlokas. The discussion about Ramayana became central. The ‘Mool Ramayana’ is a massive work consisting of about 100 crore shlokas, while the one that is more popular version is ‘Valmiki Ramayana’ that consist of 24000 slokas only. So, we are devoured of almost millionth of original transcript hence missing many crucial details. Ganesh Gaitonde in ‘Sacred Games’ says that our generation knows only Ramanand Sagar’s Ramayana. The concise one. So, we know only what’s shown, still most of the times we become judgmental about the central characters. Don’t we?
While my husband is a gentleman and I wouldn’t want him to be ‘Ravan’- in Ram Leela or real life, but what about him being a Maryada Purshottam? Do I really want him to be one?
Rama was a man of valour, compassion, wisdom and sacrifice. While we can’t deny his virtues, disowning his wife while she was pregnant wasn’t worth his stature. How cool was it to handout to Sitaji who accompanied Rama on his exile? Don’t you think Rama should have given the kingdom to any one of his brothers and left with Sita.
She gave ‘Agnipariksha’ that itself was enough of insult to a woman who fought the demon and guarded her sanctity in adverse situation, more to it she was declared sacred by Lord Brahmadev himself. So even as a king, had the opinion of a Dhobi and ‘Bramhadev’ had really mattered?
Fast forward, on The 7th night from his son was born, Prince Siddharthh left his sleeping wife and infant. We know him as Bhagwan Gautam Budhha. Buddha left his home at night for enlightenment, without letting sleeping Yashodhara know about him. Why is every other thing being more important than taking the opinion of wife into consideration, Siddharth and Yasodhara were married for 16 years, so they had no bond? He didn’t trust her that if he discusses his plans she wouldn’t support him? Or was growing responsibility with a child coming in was a feeling of bondage, was taking care of the new born was only the wife’s responsibility.
Even when we come to modern times may it be Gandhi, Mandela or any KarmaPurush why they don’t realize their purpose of life before getting married, is the wife just shadow of the mahatma?
Satyug , Dwapar or Kalyug. Whatever times, one thing stand the test.In line of their higher purpose, men have deprioritized their marriages.
A person who is driven by a larger goal in life, is not generally bound by ‘Grihastha Jeevan’ or the responsibilities and liabilities that come along with that. Only living in the same house with wife and kids isn’t what we are talking about. But who decides what is more important, who decides whether the Goal or Ambition a person has decided for themselves is real or fake. I know its confusing, let me put this in the current scenario of our life.
The times are changing and we see more and more Hands on father or ‘ Penguin Dad’s’, who don’t hesitate to help their partners from feeding kids, changing diapers to helping in deciding menu for the evening get together. In the same times we also have men who have a different image of their responsibilities in their mind, created by the long running societal rules and self image.
A man doing a job getting paid, declares himself tired and stressed once he’s back home and rarely contributes to wife in any household work because he has given a vito to himself that his ‘karma’ is to put bread on the table and that’s it! he is (not) responsible for anything else. Right from getting the groceries to little one’s vaccinations is all the wife’s job. Is it only the lady’s responsibility to make the four walls home, to take care of all the celebrations, relatives or even the day to day work?
Someone has a dream about ‘being employee of the year’ at work or being the ‘highest revenue generator’ in his team, these are not wrong ambitions but how much are you trading for it on a personal front is the key to balance it. I have seen people getting back home, having tea and moving out of houses for RWA meetings, working on society welfare etc. these are larger goals and we need people for this too however ‘Prioritizing’ is important. Your sons slipping grades or fathers slipping health will need your time and attention rather than the colony welfare.
We see women who have considered it all and all there responsibility to keep the engine of home running without pointing out the problems to their partners, that’s their decision about their ‘Karma’, supporting husband in getting successful on professional front is a real boost these women can give but what about the aperture its creating in the family and in the relationships.
So its up to every person, man and women both. It’s a man’s call that to become Mahatma, how many sacrifices he wants his wife to make.
And its upto the wife how long she chooses not to voice herself.
Only if Sita, Urmila, Yasodhara or Kasturba had a different story to tell our daughters. Sacrifice is a virtue of being a woman, walking an extra mile with your life partner is a blessing only if you both are walking together and not left alone. I don’t want my husband to be a ‘Maryada Purshottam’ and do things that just he thinks are right, rather I would want to equal partner in his dreams. I don’t love him for the perfections he has but also for the imperfections. What’s your story?