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Who has it all “homemaker” or “working” women?

Who gets it all “homemaker” or “working” women?

This question is as tricky as who came first “chicken or the egg”. Isn’t it? And no matter how personal the answer to this question is, the worst place to open up this discussion is an all women whatsapp or Fb group. Then why am I talking about it here, because this is my journey and I have been in both the roles. And I want to share my perspective about both these roles might help many women who are in self- critique mode.

Working women also do all the household chores for their home, sometimes they overdo it out of guilt of being unable to give more time to family. And homemakers also save a considerable amount from the monthly expense s over the years so that if need arises they can lend a helping hand. And none of them can survive without a house help AKA Didi.

The most important and honest point here is neither homemaker nor working women gets it all.

I left my full –time job in May 2018. With lot of plans in my mind. I will take charge of my sons grades, will do better housekeeping (ha ha, because that’s the most common think working women get to here), will focus on my physical and mental health and will take out more time for writing. Thanks to Covid-19 that WFH is now taken seriously, in Pre-Cove era WFH was not considered much of important work. That’s ‘mindset’ and believe me it doesn’t change overnight. It needed a pandemic to change people’s perspective.

From May till next few months, I followed the plan and never realized that the train has derailed months ago and now what’s left is a low-self-esteem, procrastinating, unhappy human being.

There was a point when no matter how others try and show you your worth, but your mind has stop accepting it. And you think stagnated, discontent and feel worthless.

It’s not that whether a person is a homemaker or working professional, it’s about how the person sees or wants to see themselves. If the reality matches that expectation the person is happy in her own shoes, irrespective of societal judgments.

There are many factors that make a perception.  In my 15yrs of corporate career, I have been in phase when I liked my job only on salary day.

Believe in yourself

Upbringing environment:

The background you come from is the base of most of our judgement and perceptions. including how you see yourself. I have grown-up in an environment where 2 generations before me were of working women. All the women from my tai ji, bua, maami my mom all were working. I have seen them struggle, juggle and be satisfied.

If you have been into a family and surrounding where majority of females are homemakers then you will be more satisfied and comfortable in those shoes. You will be more efficient and content being a homemaker.

Expectation from Self:

Everyone has a self-Image. It means how you see yourself. The outside world might think you are confident but you might consider yourself lacking the same and vice-versa.

Similarly, how you see yourself is entirely a personal decision. Due to family pressure you might change it for a while but It can’t be permanent. You cannot be comfortable for long in someone else’s shoes.

So to be a homemaker or a working women is your choice and judgment to make. You can never get everything.

Sometimes I think WFH is most difficult because you are neither at home or at work. When kids see you they want to spend time with you, when you see a pile of clothes you get up and reach out to clear them. And at the same time the KRA and milestones at work also need your attention and there are tasks to be completed in limited time.

Ikigai:

A few months ago a read this book by hector garcia and Francesc Miralles, on the Japanese secret to long and happy life. The book says that the Ikigai- or the reason why you would want to get up from bed can be as big as bringing attention of corporates and countries to global warming or as small as checking out growth of plants in your kitchen garden. It’s personal, for your own happy life.

Giving best care to kids can be an Ikigai as important and as strong as breaking the glass ceiling and climbing corporate ladder.

The point of writing this post is that, I have been through both these roles; I have firsthand experience of how it feels in both the places. Don’t let others decide for you. There will be guilt of leaving the infant at day care while going to work as well as there will be guilt for being unable to support the family financially while going through a medical crisis or at kids admission in dream school or college.
Focus on positives of both the roles. Do what makes you the true you not some puppet.

This is my second post for #myfriendAlexa by The BlogChatter. Earlier I though I don’t have a theme this year unline last 2 yrs for my Alexa challenge, but with this post I have come to a conclusion that the Theme for this season is ‘ME’. I am writing about myself, hope the readers feel connected with my story somewhere.

If you are wondering what was my first post about, here you go Back to where I belong!

This Post Has 13 Comments

  1. Neha Jain

    This is definitely a ‘chicken egg’ question. Even if someone settles it one day but the people who raise these questions will keep talking. I respect all. It is really difficult to manage things to fulfil others expectations. One should go with the flow. we know we are doing our best.

  2. Debidutta Mohanty

    A tough question but both roles have their shares of struggles. It all starts and ends with us. It’s how you keep yourself happy and content at the end of the day.

  3. Jayanthi

    It is a never happy situation on either side… if you are a working mom, you have a different type of guilt and if you are a stay at home, you have a different type of guilt…
    ultimately, the woman should make the best decision for herself!

  4. Ruchi Verma

    Every role is tough to manage and maintain. I really loved the way you have written this !!

  5. MeenalSonal

    Guilt is there on both the edges, for homemaker not making money and for working not spending enough time with family, finding a mid way and having peace with self is the biggest factor in the life. Your post is helpful to many people to come over the guilt.

  6. Swati Mathur

    Very well written post. I have alsoadirn both the roles but just followed one mantra enjoy what you are doing.. Live in the moment and if your are happy doing what you do nothing bothers around.

  7. Manisha Garg

    I think acceptance in whatever role you are in is most helpful. I have been on both sides and this is what I have learnt.

  8. Mayura Amarkant

    Having been on both sides of this question, I feel each has its pros and cons. Yes, the choice should be ours! Loved how you wove in Ikigai into this post.

  9. Sadvika Kylash

    Love your question as to who takes the cake, working or home maker. And ikigai is my theme for MyFriendAlexa series. do check it out. hope you would like it

  10. jaideep khanduja

    A corporate life always impacts the other side and it’s very important to keep a balance between the two roles without a bit of compromise.

  11. Manali Desai

    ‘The background you come from is the base of most of our judgement and perceptions.’
    Totally agree. Our upbringing makes a whole lot of difference.

  12. Aurora M

    I feel we are both -Sometimes at work and sometimes at home and at times combination of both. Buying , planning ,budgeting , saving these are hidden aspects of work being at home.

  13. Srikanth

    A True struggle and balancing between home and work becomes a challenge if adequate sharing of responsibilities does not happen. Ikigai is a wonderful book with some thoughts on how to better ones thoughts.
    Also breaks and doing nothing for a period of time gives the much needed break from things that may turn into a monotonous life.
    Well written post which showcases the reality

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