Yes, you read it right. However, I would request you to hold on, and read till you pass your judgment on me, for being a bad mother. I love my children very much. They are a part of me. I love them, adore them and do every possible thing on earth to keep them happy and comfortable.
We all are on many mom/women groups on social media, and there we see women rarely talking about happy marriages, marital bonds, but they are ostentatiously talking about how they avoid being close to partners physically as well as emotionally as they are neck deep into motherhood.
I sometimes want to jump into the discussion and say what I sincerely do and feel about all that, but I fear that I’d be lynched, literally, for being the worst mother.
But the truth is, I don’t just desire my husband every bit, as much as the day we met 15 years ago. I honestly love him more than my children.
I love my kids, but I’m not in love with them. The definition of love is not the same as the relationships we are considering are different. I revolve around my kids all day, but still the center of my universe, remains the man, because of whom I became a happy mother.
I love to play with my daughter, to bathe her, to comb her curls, to read her stories and take her to the park. Most of all, I just wanted to soak up that lovely baby scent and nestle against her soft skin before it is all gone.
I chose to work from home as a writer when the load of studies increased on my son. I wanted to give him all the attention a pre-teen child needs in today’s internet-savvy environment, where a lot of information is thrashed upon us and kids surely need a filter on that. They want us to listen and laugh at his jokes, correct him when required, understand his tears, and give him strength. They also want us to help him in studies and sometimes even sing a lullaby to put him to sleep too. In short, I do and want to do what every mother wants.
While I relish the time, I spend it wisely with both of them. I’m not head over heels for them as I am for my life partner. It’s his face that calms my anger and anxiety, it’s that smile in his eyes that gives me hope and surety.
I met my husband when I was 18, got married at 22, so half my life I have been with him. I’m still that infatuated teenager when I look at him. I have grown with him from a nervous teenager to what I’m today, and we both invented and reinvented each other and ourselves. Our world has grown and changed together.
We also had fights, arguments like every other couple, but how do we handle it and if the ‘Ego is more important’ or ‘relationship’s the key’ decision to be taken every time. T
The connection and longevity give the edge why I love him more than I love my offspring. Whenever I’m confused, lost, and indecisive, I just turn to see him by my side, always. I can’t imagine any joy without my husband.
My Husband helps me with cooking, cleaning, taking care of kids. He is a really hands-on dad. I have written about that in one of my earlier blogs.
I’m sure he sees me and feels exactly the same about me. So how can it be wrong?
A positive, happy and healthy relationship can guarantee a healthy, confident and positive upbringing for our children. As we all know kids follow what they see, not what they hear, so why not set ourselves as an example in front of them in their growing up years.
Children observe and see how we talk to each other, how do we react and interact, how do we respect each other. I wish my kids to choose their life partner wisely. I will tell them not to settle for anything less than what they saw when they looked at me looking at their father.
Today they are young, after a few years they will go for higher studies, then get jobs and move ahead with their own beautiful lives, so then we will be back to square one, just two of us. How would one feel to live with a stranger who actually is not a stranger but with time and by incorrect prioritization at the right time has gone far, and there is a huge distance now?
This is the right time, and one of the responsibilities we have as a mother to teach our kids to have a happy household.
What more could any loving mother want for her beloved children?
Do share your views. I am sure few might strongly disagree with my thoughts, would like to know what and why you think is more important for you.